The Millennials (and some pre-Millennia’s- 1995 plus) Enter into this world from a unique set of parents.
Parents that; Want to be 100% present for their kids, as well as work, have a career, a home, and some want homeschooling. While raising a conscious child who will be more evolved than the parent was allowed to be.
The question begs an answer; Are we vicariously living through our children? And is it harming them or helping them to evolve?
In my work as an Astropsychologist, I coach my clients to let go of what is holding them back from evolving. I also point out repetition, or patterning they have with their children. I see the distinct personality traits and the best timing and approach to resolving it. There is a way to become your own psychic. ( a formula on how to do this at the end of the article)
For example; if you have a traumatic event happen when you’re child is 12, look at what happened to you at age 12. Look at your partner as well. What happened, why and how did you feel? How did you handle this? Or how did your parents deal with it? And how would you rewrite that story? This is where we should vicariously live through our children in a healthy way. Talk to them about your experience at that age. And use the chart below to determine what language you use to support them.
The adverse outcome is trying to make it go away, dismiss it or get overly involved by doing for them what you wished was done for you. This creates a co-dependency, where the child may try to please you and miss her evolution, OR lash back at you in anger.
It seems contradictory, however by explaining to them your story at that age, (if there is one) and walking with them side by side, you can help them heal.
Formula: Sit with your partner( if that is the case) and recall al the dramatic moment and changes you can remember and the age you were with a bit of detail.
Below is how to talk to your child during a sensitive time. Write down 1 of the personality traits that best describes your child. And 2 that is best for you. If you can’t decide between 2 use both. Also, they may not fit the full description of each element but is darn close!
WATERCHILD-Sensitive. Is hurt easily. Shy, cries easily, especially before age 8, creative, loves animals. Moody and cuddly. Dairy sensitive. Loves water and music. Very caring and nurturing. Patient. Needs much sleep. Close to mom.
EARTHCHILD- Practical- Sensitive to criticism, takes simple instructions or advice as criticism. Reserved or shy, very matter of fact, literal, needs routine, sensitive stomach/digestion. But loves food. Can be hypochondriac. Does not like rules and authority (parents teachers etc.) Is helpful and supportive. Close to dad.
AIRCHILD- Intellectual, Curious and restless. Asks a lot of questions, most speak early in life. Talkative. Some are extroverted. Argumentive and negotiators. Messy. Does not like order. In their heads. Smart. Friendly and Social. Humanitarian. Compares themselves ot others and siblings, wanting fairness.
FIRECHILD-Excitable, dramatic, fun. Extraverted. Acts out for attention. Sporty. Needs a lot of freedom. Rule breakers. Irritated and or agitated easily. Lacks patients. Witty, comedic and chatty. You will see all their emotions at that moment. Fearless.
(if you want to explore further, see what yours is, are they similar?)
Now when you’re ready to confront, console, support and help your child evolve in a particularly difficult situation, whether its that they are mad because they could not have that cookie or stressed out and depressed around social or school issues. Whatever the opportunity is for both of you to evolve, share your story above with them. This is the best way to communicate with your Starchild.
WATERCHILD-They need time to rest in their emotions and think about how they feel. Feelings come first to them. Its how they navigate through life. Using the word ‘feel’ every chance you get is essential. Such as “how does that make you feel” “What do you feel about that” Why do you feel she did this” Or how do you feel is the best way to solve that” Practice this in your daily life, you and your partner can practice when communicating together. Soon it will become natural. When they are young use puppet therapy where they can express their feelings as a 3rd party through their sock puppet. Create it together, as you have to have one as well. Often they desire a timeout as they are very intuitive and become moody due to the emotions of others. Of course, ask them how they feel about that. They need time to sort out their emotions. Homework well in doing art to express emotions, And all find calm with music . I highly recommend instrumental music as they sleep, as early as from the day they are born. When you share your childhood memory, pose it in away that you understand hurt, or sadness or confusion, do not say you know how they feel. They feel no one understands ‘their’ feelings.
EARTHCHILD-These are expert problem solvers and like others to see them as capable and in control. Therefore controlling their behavior through discipline or constant advice will result in an argument. For example, your Earthchild begins to leave home for school without an umbrella, and you just discussed at breakfast that it would rain. And you yell out, “You need to take an umbrella” or “Why are you not taking your umbrella.” This is received as an insult to their intelligence.” Does not matter how you meant it. They learn by experience, let them go to school and get wet, they learn this way quickly, they will remember next time. If its a decision they make that is dangerous, of course, you will need to intervene. The best language is “Tell them the danger, give them the choice of solutions, and if age appropriate ask them to come up with solutions, then praise them for their ‘right choice’. They also desire respect and want you to believe they are responsible. Find a way to give them some responsibilities of their choice, and acknowledge this often. As an example, because they like to problem solve and serve, you my say “wow mom is so tried, I have been very busy, I could really use some help. When that offer, give them a choice of what they could help with. If they do not offer, then add “would you help me?” Not could or you should.
AIRCHILD- Use the word ‘think’ often. ‘How do you think about this? What do you think about that? Why do you think she acted that way? Then give them time to think. They also like to Talk. If you want to communicate ask them questions that help them come up with their own answers. Such as. “Mom would like you to do your homework without me nagging you. Do you like homework? (NO) DO you like mom nagging? (NO) “What do you think can be done?” Or “You seem very angry lately, why is that?” Journaling helps them as well. They are restless and need a lot of choices as they get bored. They often do not know how they feel, but they know how they think. And If you recall a childhood experience tell them your story, make it brief, remember the attention span is short. Then ask them what they think of your story. They will ask you questions and if not rest assure they walk away thinking about it for a while.
FIRECHILD- Address the problem at that moment, even if they are all fired up, in the heat of the moment you will get their truth. If they are out of control, your fiery child may need some adrenal therapy, a punching bag, run on the spot, scream into a pillow find their way. Its a physical energy that needs to be released, and resorting to arguing and drama can be instant relief but does not always solve the issue at hand! Their delivery is stronger then they realize. Often its best to let them storm off, many times their problem is temporary. They can have a lot of misplaced aggression. Meaning yelling at their kid sister because her elbow was too close to them at dinner is a sign that something else is bothering them. Its good practice to ask them after they calm down, if anything else is upsetting them. Do this often and you will eventually get your answers. When you tell your story, maybe you had a passionate nature as a child, or your sibling did, tell your story with zest, drama and fun. They love a good story.This is the tip of the iceberg, but should be very helpful to get you started.
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