The Curse of an Empath
Have others said you are too sensitive? Often feel moody? More often than not you have gut feelings, that later you wished you followed? Do you have panic attacks, anxiety, depression, water weight gain, loneliness and sadness for no reason? Then you are most likely an empath. Are you shy, creative, musical, love the water, and introverted? That too is a sign. But not always. Below I will teach you what is and how to manage this gift, aka curse. Maybe you had a parent, have children or a spouse like this?
I want to add, many of us are born with this gift. But it can be learned and we all have this ability if we want it.
I have many clients that I coach, using the magic of their astrological soul chart, and my gifts, who are empathic, psychic, intuitive, basically high feeling, heart-centered humans. What is most rewarding is when I read for their empathic creative children.
I want to start with the adult, and explain the levels of the empathic. If you are in this range, and you have a child who is as well, you will need to understand your perspective in order to fully understand theirs and your relationship with them.
ADULTS over 25
It usually takes between the ages of 26–31 to acknowledge that not all your feelings are yours. An entire childhood learning that you are sensitive and moody, according to the energies in your environment. Usually, this breakthrough or aha moment happens through a very significant relationship. Ending around age 30. This can be a mom, a partner, a dad, or a very close childhood friend. If you are fortunate enough to have this empathic nature explained to you as a child, you will be way ahead of the game and avoid confusion and the pain that accompanies this confusion.
You feel what others feel. You walk into a room, a party, a grocery store and suddenly feel sad, upset, irritable, or anxious. You may feel this is a trait of a moody person. I’m up and down like a yoyo. Others, especially empathic, may sense this change within you, and ask you if you are ok, or ask what is wrong? This exchange may have you convinced that this is all about you. I’m telling you now STOP! It’s not you. Do not agree or accept this exchange in thought. Make a habit of telling yourself and your observer that this is indicative of another person. Say “ I’m OK but someone else is not, I feel their sadness.” I know, right now you are thinking, “yeah right Holly, no one says that!” And you are correct, sadly we are not that honest. Not just with others, but ourselves. If you are self-aware enough to feel and recognize your intuitive state, at least say this to yourself. Maybe even look around and see if you can feel who this is coming from? Usually, you feel it in your gut. Sometimes the heart center. You use the word ‘feel’ a lot. If it’s another person in your life you will witness this as well. They say things like: “I don’t feel like it.” “This doesn’t feel right.” “How do you feel about that?” etc. Sick stomachs, feeling nauseous, a pit in your stomach, or that sinking feeling is common symptoms or red flags. Your body is asking you to listen. Look around. Be aware. All this can be a curse, it’s definitely not comfortable, especially if you do not listen and take heed. At first, all you need to do is witness yourself when these moments happen. Try practicing making choices according to your gut feeling. A great way is to go for a drive, next time you are heading out, if your gut says ‘I should turn here’, but your brain says ~no the highway is close and faster.~ Turn where your gut says to, as long as it is reasonable, and see what happens?
STORY-My husband and I did this once, decided to take a longer course like drive home from Niagara Falls, instead of a congested highway. At the time I was seriously looking for a smart car to purchase. We were also looking for an RV to buy. So we head towards an RV sales lot. Along the winding roads, I silently thought, ‘I want to manifest the perfect smart car for sale on the front of someone lawn.’ As we approached the RV lot, there it was, on the front lawn of their lot. It came with an RV they bought from California, they threw in the car. Well, we never did buy an RV but we did buy my baby! My cute little frosty light green convertible smart car! So my hubby thought last-minute let’s veer off the highway and take a country road, also last minute was I think there is an RV center on this route, and I said SURE why not! That’s listening to an inner gut feeling.
Exercise: Feeling off? Feel it on an intense level, like a silent meditation, exaggerate the feeling than pop it into, your heart, then out the top of your head, the crown chakra and imagine it going out into the universe to heal. This visual also allows you to validate to your subconscious that this is not yours to absorb, nor is it for you to hang onto.
Nursing, counseling, therapists, vets, PSW, antiques, massage therapists, working with elderly or children, animals, artists, to name a few.
2. The Psychologist
You feel what others do not recognize. Many of us have knee jerk reactions to fear, anxiety, hurt, and resentment built up. What I mean is this, you have been abused as a child. You are in a boardroom in a meeting with a new, seemingly aggressive client, and you have to impress them. Your feelings of rejection, fear of being hurt or bullied begin to create anxiety. You are not even aware that your now sweaty palms, heart pumping, mind racing biological response has anything to do with the pain from that abuse as a child. You just can’t to get this over with and hope you pass with flying colors, go home and have a drink! However, your co-worker, Nadine, someone you have known since college, is watching you, she has felt and witnessed this in you for years. She is more aware of the deep fears, control, the psychological response you are having. As a Psychological Empath, she wants to consult you and help you deal with the root cause. “ You know this client is an ass, everyone knows it, you got this!” Later over a drink, she continues, “ Are you ok? You know you have this reaction a lot, have you ever had any help to deal with your childhood abuse?” And your reply is, this has nothing to do with that, I’m over it. Just this client is an asslike you said.” END of STORY. Of course, your friend will not normally push this subject any further, But deep down you know she has a point and as an Empath on this root chakra level, she sees the underlying cause to pain, anger, anxiety and the ‘knowing’ that if one just knew this and cured or healed the past they could end their path to self-sabotage. The Psychological Empath has a very hard time grasping that not everyone can see this. To them, it seems as clear as day! “Isn’t it obvious that your break up with your angry husband, who left you for a 20-year-old is the reason you and your son fight constantly! Especially after his return from a Disney weekend with dad and Cinderella!?” No, sadly it’s not that obvious to many. Why? It’s too painful. The ‘psychologist’ can handle the pain that most cannot, as being in the pain of making a mistake one after the other because one cannot manage their past hurts and move forward through healing is, well, much much more painful. It is the very reason many of them become healers of the mind.
The curse can be that it makes it difficult to relate to many on this level. Another curse is, that one can use this insight as a weapon, as you are able to see others weaknesses and use that to one’s advantage to push buttons, manipulate and play dangerous games with others minds. The Snake or the Pheonix syndrome is what I call this.
Psychologist Mission: Job/Voluntarily
Psychologist, (you guessed that one huh?), consultant, mediation, lawyer, anything in research, problem-solving on a deep level, engineer, physicist, neurology, to name a few.
3. The Psychic
Not everyone is aware they are psychic. It’s well hidden, not as obvious as the first two. Especially in men. (I’ll explain later) This curse is that you suffer on a deep global level. You feel the pain of a community, on a humanitarian level. “Why does there have to be so much suffering??” So much so it can be more like sympathy, as empathy is too painful. Too devastating and out of their hands” So it’s easy to stick your head in the sand, not engage with society, ignore the news and have very little patience for others gossip on how this world and its humans are such a mess. Yes, that is a curse. Well, it can be. On a good note, you have a direct line to the universal mind, well we all do, but yours is crystal clear, you are never put on hold nor do you miss interpret its language. That is if you take advantage of this. Many of you are here as advanced souls to help heal others, and this often starts in childhood as you chose parents to help. Which means they have problems, and you are a victim to that, as a child. Once you realize this (my readings help with that) you no longer stay a victim, you rise from the fires as a healer. You work well in the arts as you have a connection with the muses of the universal collective mind. Such as music, writers, painters, actors, etc. Meditation is an easy place to connect, as well as the dream world. So may need to sleep to do this and also t recharge as being this type of empath is draining. They are VERy sensitive to hospitals, graveyards, and funeral homes, etc…
Many may not heal, and become addicts. Addictions to TV, Social Media, Gaming, food, drink, drugs, and escapism. Even an addiction to victimhood and depression. When you enter into this phase, volunteer as much as you can, even once a month, and help those who are in despair. There you will use your healing skills and this heals you. Often addicts become healers for other addicts. Victims healers to other victims.
Artists, Psychics, Healers, alternative medicine, doctors (not in hospitals) Humanitarians, to name a few.
The Empathic Child- under 25
Again, under 25, because the empathic child takes a little longer to mature, to realize their choices are based on their emotional response to life. Much of what applies to adults apply to children. And vice versa.
The advantage, with a child, is that you can speak to them on a more intimate level than an adult. Where you may not ask an adult if their childhood is affecting their mood now during a work meeting, you and ask a 6-year-old if someone at school is hurting and they are hurting too? Or ask them if they ‘feel’ that a banana may be the reason they get an upset stomach”
I have many clients with many empathic children, in fact, more than 70–80% are and sadly since it’s conditioned out of them through schools and family, more than 20–30% lose that skill.
The Child Intuitive
Many children will say, their tummy is sick. “I don’t want to go, mommy, my tummy is sick.” Or ‘I’m not hungry.’ This is a sure sign they are ‘feeling’ something and not telling you, or not aware of themselves. You may take this opportunity to ask, “what are you feeling? What are you feeling in your heart?”
They want to take home stray dogs, stray cats and yes stray kids. They want to nurture and mother anyone who seems sad or overly shy. Most are very creative, love nature and quiet time. Yes, they too can be very shy. Shy is often another indicator that they feel uncomfortable in a situation and that it may be they are picking up on another person’s feelings. If you can help them differentiate between their feelings and that of others, it will help them a lot. Some ways, is to help them articulate what they feel. Another, is to show them how to just be aware. Did they feel that way before they entered the class, if not, then what happened in the classroom, another person mood, is what they are real feelings? I have many adult clients with “indigo” children. And yet as parents, they are active, use distraction as a healing tool, is very social and understand the ‘rules’ of adulthood. Often an intuitive child scares them. “How will they have any friends? Why won’t they join any activities? Why do they panic at the last minute and cancel parties with their friends?” Believing they have to make their child more social and more responsible, without realizing it they are beginning the long journey of assisting their child in squashing their intuition, ignoring their gut feelings, and creating anxiety as they try to adhere to the rules so not to hurt the ones they love. Its all about feelings for them, they do not want anyone in pain, and if they can nurture it out of them, they will! So if you want your empathic child to do as you want, tell them how much it hurts you if they do not. Although I strongly advise against this technique, aka manipulation. Many need a plant of water and are dairy intolerant. You will notice mood swings around the consumption of dairy, and yet they have an addiction to dairy. Breastfeeding is important, as long as possible, at least a yr. Very attached to mom, but is weened off if you can give this child a mothering experience, such as dolls, a pet or a younger sibling. As they age, after age 8, they can volunteer to help younger children , get dressed for outdoor play or read for instance, in a school setting. Also as them to help mom, fo mom things, like help make dinner, or bathe a younger sibling, etc.
Childhood Missions: Art, play, nature, homeschool, music, water, bathe often, soft music as they sleep. Communicate feelings, art therapy, small animals as pets.
The Psychologist Child
The psychologist child is constantly interested in why you do what you do, and this child does this through observation end creating situations so that he/she can read your reactions. for instance, they may say something quite sarcastic or maybe even mean and you may wonder where did that come from why do I have such a mean child what they are doing is creating a shock effect so they can witness observe and penalized your reaction the words that you use your facial expressions tone in your voice how angry does it make you do you get flustered Etc in this way the child can now use this information in a negative way to manipulate you to push your buttons to get what they want or they can use it in a positive way. a positive way just to be curious and ask you questions to see if you will just make up answers admittedly tell them you do not know the answer. this helps them and stand you on a deeper level. therefore when you come home from work and you are happy or frustrated if you are in a social environment in your mood changes they know on a deeper psychological level, and why you are acting in this way, because they have figured you out. They do like to have control of their lives. It helps them feel safe. They have many fears, some bing that someone else can control them. They may have the ability to hear voices, clairaudient, or clairvoyance, see spirit. It’s important that if your child matches all the descriptions in this, that you ask them if they see or hear things others cannot. If they keep this to themselves, it can manifest into unknown fears as they get older. The main way they enable control in their lives is to understand others motives, therefore they feel they can:
A. Know where you are coming from. A forwarned, forearmed approach
B. And a feeling that they can almost predict your future actions.
The concept is basically, “If I know more about you, then you know about me, I feel safe.”
Tell them everything you can, why you are doing this or that, how you feel that day, your plans for the future, such as we will go to the park later today, (they do not like unexpected changes or events) Or dinner will be at 6, not 5 today. Answer all the questions you can, do not be afraid to be vulnerable. You can tell them you are ‘ok’ but if you are not, they know you are NOT OK, because they asked, therefore when you think you are protecting them, they feel you are lying, then they begin not to trust you, and then not trust others. Or worse they think it must be them. Truth is important.
They can smell fear a mile away. They are like little detectives.
Childhood Mission: Give them alone time, let them play one on one. Trust their judgment when they suddenly change their minds. Give them time to transition, for example from, computer time to Dinner time. From home time to we are going out time.
The Psychic Child
Ultra shy, very quiet, needs a lot of sleep and can be very moody. Feels very alone in the world and even misunderstood. Very creative therefore the mind wonders as they daydream often. The standard classroom and education system may suggest his child is slow to learn or cannot concentrate. This is not necessarily true. They need more creative artistic ways of learning, they learn through the visual and not buy memory. They make great actors and musicians. They also pick up on everyone’s emotions, yet they rarely know that they do. Therefore they can be very moody and require a lot of sleep, to recharge and release the sponged up emotions of others. They cry easily and this should be a welcomed release, do not discourage it. It is not a ploy to get attention or get what they want. Dreams are powerful for them, encourage them to share their dreams, look them up and even ask for answers before they sleep. Allow them to draw or doodle or even listen to music when their mind wanders, while in school. Classical music helps them concentrate, in fact, playing classical music from birth, as they sleep helps them learn to concentrate and sleep. Help them to understand that not all their emotions are theirs, that any other language, emotions are spoken and they have the gift of hearing them. They are healers and may befriend many who have ‘less than’. Even people who are alone, lost, addicts etc. This can be scary for some parents. In most cases, your psychic child will not become one of them. They can be loners, do not necessarily force them to be social. Partly this is because the emotions they feel of others is too intense. Teach them the ways of the empath.
Be very creative, learn music, learn on your own is best, avoid too much structure. Read, daydream and enjoy classes in the arts or music and or drama.
PS-This is just the tip of the iceberg. In my next article, I will talk about Intellectuals. The Thinker. The Mediator. The Seer.